Photos Canon.

So i Really really like this Rollip style Photos. You upload your photos and you pick the setting you want, and the outcome are amazing photos like the ones on top. I had a strange week, full of tangles and many emotions that went unexplained and ambiguous. The only thing i could do for myself was take a bit of time off, paint (especially with water colors, because they heal the mind), read, and just sleep. Its one of those periods where you feel you should wait it off.Wait off the sadness and confusion, the loneliness and pressure, the constant war to stay strong. Leave it all behind, and just let yourself float. Float up until you merge again within your normal self, till you reach a balance. I want to find a balance, i want to feel light, and I want to naturally flow in this world, helping the people around me, and singing to them their songs so they feel at ease and understood. May everyone's year be filled with Breathless love, support, and Wisdom
Love Maex


I can hear the soft breathing 
Of the girl that I love, 
As she lies here beside me 
Asleep with the night, 
And her hair, in a fine mist 
Floats on my pillow, 
Reflecting the glow 
Of the winter moonlight. 
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She is soft, she is warm, 
But my heart remains heavy, 
And I watch as her breasts 
Gently rise, gently fall, 
For I know with the first light of dawn 
I'll be leaving, 
And tonight will be 
All I have left to recall. 

Oh, what have I done, 
Why have I done it, 
I've committed a crime, 
I've broken the law. 
For twenty-five dollars 
And pieces of silver, 
I held up and robbed 
A hard liquor store. 

My life seems unreal, 
My crime an illusion, 
A scene badly written 
In which I must play. 
Yet I know as I gaze 
At my young love beside me, 
The morning is just a few hours away.

(Simon & Garfunkel, Wednesday Morning, 3 am)


Rollip For no Smart phone pips

(This post, is for those who are willing and want to do the work, and become better people, and that is today what interests me)
by the amazing web site; creativespiritualwomen.com

We can be horribly confused about what we really want. We live in a society that tells us we should want things like:
  • Fashion-industry bodies
  • Designer clothes
  • Million-dollar homes
  • This year’s model car
  • The best grades
  • Degrees from Ivy league schools
  • Fame
  • Prestige
  • Recognition
  • “The perfect” anything
In fact, these are all things our egos want. Let me say, for anyone who is happily enjoying these things without attaching ego to them, that things in and of themselves are not wrong. Receiving fame is not an indicator you are trapped by your ego. Living a prestigious lifestyle doesn’t mean you’re not incredibly present, mindful and aware.
But I’d like you to take a look at what you’re searching for and what you really want. When you get clear about what you really want, what makes your heart glow and strengthens your Presence and your enjoyment of Now, it truly doesn’t matter what else is (or isn’t) in your life. Your ability to enjoy those things is automatic, because you have the essential desires met- the things your Spirit truly longs for.
What is the point of having any earthly thing if you’re still seeking your heart’s desire? Those things won’t bring you pleasure, but only more pain. Until you come from a place of peace, you won’t be able to truly enjoy what’s around you- whether it’s a burlap sack or a Gucci purse.
What’s beautiful and perfect is this- when you come from a place of fulfillment of what you really want, you no longer care whether or not you’re holding a burlap sack or a Gucci purse. You see the beauty in both, you appreciate both, and you are not “less” or “more” for having either one. You are complete, and no product can make you more complete.
“It is not possessions themselves but the presumed importance or value projected on them that is significant. Therefore, it is recommended that one ‘wear the world like a loose garment’. Wealth, in and of itself, is of no real importance, as the capacity for inner happiness is not dependent on external factors once basic physical animal needs are met. “
-David Hawkins, Transcending the Levels of Consciousness
So what do we really want, and how do we get it?
1. Understand that what your ego values and what you value are two different things.
“The ego’s programs are linear and are comprised and defined by the restriction of content. The spirit, or Self, is nonlinear and represents context. The restricted linear content of the ego is relinquished via exposure of the nonreality of its perceptions and positionalities. One can see that the ego’s perceptions are aligned with conquest and gain. When the fallacies of its propositions are exposed to the daylight of awareness, the dominance of illusion fades away.” -David Hawkins
Because society’s messages are so strong, it can be hard to pinpoint, at first, the difference between the two. Begin simply by knowing there is a difference, which, for some, will be an incredible enlightenment in itself!
2. Notice that all “searching” “needing” and “wanting” is the ego. 
“The value of watchful witnessing is that even just awareness of an ego defect tends to undo it.”
-David Hawkins
Just watch this for a couple of days, without trying to change anything. Notice when you “have to have” something. Pay attention (without judgment) when you “need” something. This is particularly eye-opening for me when I watch my ego “need” validation, or an answer, or to be “right.”
3. Notice that all contentment, peace, gratitude, and acceptance of the present moment are all indicators of your True Self.
“The Self is completely fulfilling and has no needs and nothing to gain.”
- David Hawkins
Pay attention to when you’re truly happy. Contentment, peace, and acceptance are all places that your True Self manifest from. Just like you pay attention to the moments when you “want,” pay attention to the moments when you don’t – when you feel truly satisfied. I admit what I thought would make me happy and what really does are two different things. Your ego will try to trick you into thinking that “things” will make you happy. Just pay attention to them both and decide for yourself- don’t let your past thoughts (likely ego) and society’s messages decide for you.
4. Begin to weaken the ego with gratitude.
“Egoistic positions become weakened by virtue of seemingly minor and insignificant steps. For example, even just saying “thank you” wherever possible can result in becoming a more grateful and generous person who, by attraction, now effortlessly sends forth benefits previously nonachievable by effort.”
-David Hawkins
The easiest way for me to bypass my ego is to be grateful. When I do “radical gratitude” and say thank you for everything I can see, feel, touch, hear, etc- my ego is completely flat-lined for a moment, and I can let my True Self come through. I can see the stark difference between my ego’s desires and the Truth- and the Truth is always that I have exactly what I need.
5. Surrender the desires of the ego.
“Instead of trying to force change, it is merely necessary to allow Divinity to do so by deeply surrendering all control, resistance, and illusions of gain or loss.“
-David Hawkins
Merely allow the desires to be what they are, and don’t give them any further action. By noticing, for example, that my ego “wants” to be acknowledged helps dissolve that very wanting. Surrender this to Spirit, God, the Universe, and be grateful you are able to “see above” the ego and step outside its mind games.
6. Love.
“Unconditional Love is a practical, reasonable, and reachable goal in a human lifetime.” -David Hawkins
It is entirely possible to focus solely on love. Any time you feel yourself “lacking,” instead focus on what you “have.” Whenever you see something you don’t like, turn your attention to what you do. Eventually, you will see that there is nothing in the Universe not to love. An incredibly advanced state, to be sure, but as Hawkins states, completely reachable and infinitely enjoyable.
I’d love to hear what comes up for you. What does your True Self want? What do you notice your ego wants? What makes you truly happy? You’ll find it, just by watching.


I had just discovered that there is a Colombia film production for the "Girl with the Dragon Tattoo", and it makes me so curious to see it for another chance. I have watched the movie, the Swedish version one, after i had read the book. The degree of the frustration i felt, while trying to generate the vivid and strong sensations the book gave me, was massive. I was in a way angry that the film maker could not help express the extreme desire to see all my visions from reading the book, to manifest while watching the actual movie. I am writing this, because i know for certain it can be done, since I was introduced to "Game of Thrones, HBO series", which has no felt difference between the imagination and reality in its genius production and care.  Anyhow, back to Dragon girl, I can't wait to see this movie, which is released tomorrow, hoping that this time, it will bring shivers down my spine like it did to me when i read.  Lisbeth Salander (the girl who has the dragoon tattoo), come to think about it, it might be an extreme coincidence, because Lisbeth is a true Autistic Psychopath, full of rage and hate, and today i experienced an ugly sad event with a woman i used to shamefully love, who turned into a psychopath revengeful bitch. Her and Lisbeth always reminded me of each other in a strange way. Too bad that  these types of people don't intrigue me anymore, conversely, the behavior repulses , still i stay in peace,

but anyhow, I cant wait to see the "Hollywood" version,
“It’s not your job to like me – it’s mine.” -Byron Katie


So today i decided that I am implementing a small change in my life, that will hopefully result with a positive Outcome. In the past three years or so, i have pushed myself very forcefully into situations i wanted to be in, mostly with no thought of the consequence. Of course once can say, that life also brings to you  what it may, which i don't argue with, yet it is how you take, embrace, act upon, or interpret the situation, which makes our lives look they way they do. I decided, that from now on, i shall relax. When i feel a strong sensation in my heart of a spark, appreciation of beauty, enlightenment, a wonderful gracious act, or an event that makes me grateful, even to the point i might feel a strong pain that will make me cry.  If i could give an example it shall be in the so called "love" business. For instance,when i meet someone that fascinates me, that sparks a wonder in me, which brings my soul to unravel itself outwards, and the light hits my eyes, i  naturally lean forward and jump. From these great sensations i feel, i find myself in many situations where i have jumped, and a after find myself wondering, " O what a fall, where exactly am I"? did i intend to even be here, do i want to be here?". So with this wondrous( for better and worse) personality trait, i found myself falling for many people with all kinds, lights, colors, shapes, age and sex. Today i am growing up in the sense, that i will relieve the impulsive "id" sort of inside, and will moderate my intake of life's Ecstasy with maybe, i would call, an objective unidentifiable outlook. 
What I think I am trying to say is, that through the process of growing up i learned  maybe acquiring the skill to sift highs and lows in my life, and patiently cruise through a process of balance and endurance of the idea behind solitude and perspective taking.
such philosophizing, but if not to you, then to who?
my pink journal is sitting by my bed, but it asked me to share some insight with the world


" We Are Star Dust, We are golden, and we've got to get ourselves back to the Garden "
I am Getting A bit obsessive, but i forgive myself
because I am going through some sort of transformation
ill just hit the wave grab it and go
what else can i do, sit and try to figure it out
anyhow it makes No sense.


 So Nice, So true, so useful From time to time, In time Like these Times, 

21. You don’t have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
22. Make peace with your past so it won’t spoil the present.
23. Don’t compare your life to others’. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
24. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.
25. Frame every so-called disaster with these words: ‘In five years, will this matter?’
26. Forgive everyone for everything.
27. What other people think of you is none of your business.
28. Remember God heals everything.
29. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
30. Your job won’t take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.
31. Get rid of anything that isn’t useful, beautiful or joyful.
32. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
33. The best is yet to come.
34. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
35. Do the right thing!
36. Call your family often.
37. Each night before you go to bed complete the following statements: I am thankful for _______. Today I accomplished ____.
38. Remember that you are too blessed to be stressed.
39. Enjoy the ride. Remember this is not Disney World and you certainly don’t want a fast pass. You only have one ride through life so make the most of it and enjoy the ride.
40. Laugh when you can, apologize when you should, and let go of what you can’t change.


Yea, OK, so Sometimes i Can be extremely Selfish and Annoying, but why does it feel to me as such a crime?!. Its as if everyone else around me is just so perfect, and always know what to do for others and how to do it for them. How come is it that when one shows the slightest bit signs of weakness and failure, other are unable to extend their arms and understand, yet instead they close their arms, bend their heads, and walk away from you as fast as they can. 
Today people bother me, yesterday they did too. I don't know what they want, how to make them happy, and when i try to ask how i can improve the answer is given to me so easily, Mae you are Selfish, think of others put yourself before others. 
But come to think of it, Of course i only decide to see the hard and negative in my life instead of focusing on such nice and beautiful things people say to me. Do you ever wonder if they are true? i surely try not to tell someone something which i don't think is true. Maybe that is why human don't get me sometimes, Because its as if inconceivable to me; how to sacrifice, unconditionally give, reach out, etc, without the truth in my heart. Maybe I am just going through an angry phase, which is okay anyhow, because undoubtedly form these points, we get stronger, bleh blah, Cliches cliches are all that's left today. And of all the all, friends and your loved ones should just give you a break and give you a shoulder and just understand you because they love you and admire all those things in you even though sometimes you mess up,( o my i sound like a teenager, but i DON'T CARE)


( Lana; Incredible, Enchanting woman).
Beauty Off your tracks;
beauty Makes me feel Happy it just does
for some it might errupt the heart
for some it might rip the gut
but for me its fun and hot
mae, xxxxxxxx


Today i was in a wonderful interesting class about Music and Society. The class is taught by such a special man that has the kind of voice that makes you feel that you are in a Multi-cultural environment, forgetting what land your feet lay upon. A passionate Italian man, bold, around 50 plus. Today he showed us a video of Billie Holliday playing at a Blues concert probably in Chicago somewhere, seeing her reminded me, brought me back to center, injected some life into me. She is a true wonder, and when looking at all her lyrics, they are just as wondrous as her penetrating voice.
"ou ain't been blue
No, no, no
You ain't been blue
Till you've had that mood indigo
That feelin goes stealin down to my shoes
While I sit and sigh "Go 'long, blues"
Always get that mood indigo"

And as for today, I am tierd of feeling inconsistent with who I am, even though what is true is that those moments of failure remind you that you, and I, are not perfect and make you comprehend that you must do  work on , and you are not perfect. A point of break and build. I dont know what i wish for myself, but i know patience can be a wonderful present in such times of no air. If i could only manage to open the skies during a freak day, breath in a piece of the solemn sky , shades of pink and blue, and get back to balance, like a taste of water on a heated dessert, like a spark of a star in a darken night.
love you all even though today it was hard

( Such wisdom of A sorrowful Genius woman, Please hear)

Lady Sings the blues
Lady sings the blues
She's got them bad
She feels so sad
Wants the world to know
Just what the blues is all about
Lady sings the blues
She tells her side
nothing to hide
Now the world will now
Just what the blues is all about
The blues ain't nothing but a pain in your heart
when you get a bad start
When you and your man have to part
I ain't gonna just sit around and cry
And now I won't die
Because I love him
Lady sings the blues
she's got 'em bad
She feels so sad
The world will know
She's never gonna sing them no more
No more