12/19/11



So today i decided that I am implementing a small change in my life, that will hopefully result with a positive Outcome. In the past three years or so, i have pushed myself very forcefully into situations i wanted to be in, mostly with no thought of the consequence. Of course once can say, that life also brings to you  what it may, which i don't argue with, yet it is how you take, embrace, act upon, or interpret the situation, which makes our lives look they way they do. I decided, that from now on, i shall relax. When i feel a strong sensation in my heart of a spark, appreciation of beauty, enlightenment, a wonderful gracious act, or an event that makes me grateful, even to the point i might feel a strong pain that will make me cry.  If i could give an example it shall be in the so called "love" business. For instance,when i meet someone that fascinates me, that sparks a wonder in me, which brings my soul to unravel itself outwards, and the light hits my eyes, i  naturally lean forward and jump. From these great sensations i feel, i find myself in many situations where i have jumped, and a after find myself wondering, " O what a fall, where exactly am I"? did i intend to even be here, do i want to be here?". So with this wondrous( for better and worse) personality trait, i found myself falling for many people with all kinds, lights, colors, shapes, age and sex. Today i am growing up in the sense, that i will relieve the impulsive "id" sort of inside, and will moderate my intake of life's Ecstasy with maybe, i would call, an objective unidentifiable outlook. 
What I think I am trying to say is, that through the process of growing up i learned  maybe acquiring the skill to sift highs and lows in my life, and patiently cruise through a process of balance and endurance of the idea behind solitude and perspective taking.
such philosophizing, but if not to you, then to who?
my pink journal is sitting by my bed, but it asked me to share some insight with the world
XXXxxmaeXXXX

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