2/4/12

my head feels like an exploding beating balloon filled with so much new information that i don't really know what to process first. Since my attempt from last week, to retrieve myself from the "seek" attention, captivating Facebook, and simultaneously of course my phone stopped working, the screen randomly turning Infrared. This week, has been the complete opposite. From a minor disconnection from the net i completely reconnected in a very special form. A much up grated form called the I phone. I did not have a smart phone until a couple days ago. At first, i was scared to get it, then i was ecstatic to see the vast options of the things I was missing out on, and opened up to, and today I am just overwhelmed with everything engulfing me from all directions. I feel as if the fact I don't have a partner to invest my time in, and harvest, i spend my time jumping from many different things to others. When in relationship I long for this period of zip zapping everywhere, and when i am without a partner, i find myself begging to be held, watching all the others around me immerse in a bubble of joy with one another that seems all flaky showy to me. I don't understand the Hippocrates, there must be a middle ground. Somewhere i can feel comfortable to lay my head down in the arms of someone that will make all the dissonance feel like clarity. I had such a good week, only because i have been down for a while, and when the bliss hits, it hits so fast so hard so fierce. I do feel loved by the closest people to me, even though they all spend time in the relationships while it feels as if i am chasing them to come hug me as well. I am not so sure where to channel my attention, maybe to my future, which i have been putting aside? maybe painting? ehh its kind of lovely and lonely.
Ok, Bye bah, Mae.

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