WISDOM that leaves you breathless 


Sitting here in this ridiculous, empty living room, trying to contemplate which and how i should surf the web, picking at the television while its mute, connected to my headphones plugged into the past. Plugged into a sound that takes me to tunnels, to mazes puts me in a spin. My head is rumbling and spinning, and my nose feels like it is about to fall off. I think i used four hundred rolls of tissue today, and i feel all washed out. How can one produce such intense amounts of saliva in the nose, till it is coming out of your ears and eyes. I am tired, i want to be healthy already. My friend calls it "Positive Stress", which is a form of stress that weakens your immune system when one is excited and overwhelmed with the paste life is running at. I think truly what had happened is that i missed a couple hours of sleep, thus I was not able to regain them resulting in a fall out of a consistency of health I had kept till today. I am tired, and I don't know what to say, except the fact that inspiring people is the reason why it all moves, or feels like its moving somewhere and not standing on two legs waiting to fall down and deteriorate. So all you creators, please create, it feels so good. GODODODOODDOODDOd




condition me into something,
condition me into a ball, a swirl
a downward spiral of a funny felling,
colored with pink and yellow, 
wrapped in bubblegum and ease,

condition my inhibitions,
condition my sacred fears,
condition them to pure inspiration,
inspiration of timeless eternal sunrise
of freshly squeezed lemons
and the scent of an orange pill
as i swing like a little girl, from the swing

swinging to the sky,
catching the clouds
to pull them back down to sit by me,
to kiss the sky
and hug the ground,
condition me to something familiar
of eternal timeless, ageless positivity. 




I don't really have an idea of what to write, considering the fact that my life feels a bit on hold lately. A time to resume, time to inhale. Something is flowing thorough me, a lot of creativity, but creativity in a different sense than it is usually. Something of getting wiser, older, trying to let myself be, letting go? I do want that for myself, and most importantly i shall learn the process of Normalization. What i mean by that, is recognizing a situation by looking from a bird's eye view, instead of obsessively breaking  down every detail, trying to comprehend what exactly happened, how it happened, how i got there, how i left, what i felt, what others would do etc.(it doesn't stop) Living like this can get so exhausting at times, and feeling like you are the only one that feels this way, is even more exhausting. This is where the sentence "ignorance is bliss", is somehow true. When you cruise through life not pondering upon each aspect of it, you somehow experience a smother ride?!With learning how to "normalize" situations by telling thyself; "Mae, its okay everyone goes through crap, and not everyone knows how to deal with themselves", maybe it will be easier on me. Jealousy is fine, possessiveness is fine, being pretty is fine, being who you are is god damm fine. This shall be the process of my normalization that will take me to new places, where hopefully it shall reflect on my art once i start creating it once again,
love you. 


"Love Minus Zero / No Limit"

My love she speaks like silence
Without ideals or violence
She doesn't have to say she's faithful
Yet she's true, like ice, like fire
People carry roses
And make promises by the hours
My love she laughs like the flowers
Valentines can't buy her.

In the dime stores and bus stations
People talk of situations
Read books, repeat quotations
Draw conclusions on the wall
Some speak of the future
My love she speaks softly
She knows there's no success like failure
And that failure's no succes at all.

The cloak and dagger dangles
Madams light the candles
In ceremonies of the horsemen
Even the pawn must hold a grudge
Statues made of match sticks
Crumble into one another
My love winks, she does not bother
She knows too much to argue or to judge.

The bridge at midnight trembles
The country doctor rambles
Bankers' nieces seek perfection
Expecting all the gifts that wise men bring
The wind howls like a hammer
The night blows rainy
My love she's like some raven
At my window with a broken wing.


The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen.
wi waa, i've missed writing so much, its been maybe 20 days since I've posted something and i feel, like like like  like this emptiness. Its not as if that many people that sit and read the ranting I write, but those who do, read, and I love that they do, because they probably love me and i love them, which is very important that people are interested in your thoughts, and a form of writing to others, is a good way to listen to them, with no offers, opinions, favors, and pity or Jealousy. I just got out of exam period, and i think it was a period of exams for me in all realms of my life. I had my birthday, whcih is in itself a period, i got let down, i got let up, i got mixed around, fell, got back up, and in that meanwhile found no time for creativity from the sort that enlightens me.  This is exactly why i like this quote, because it presents the truth. Creativity and Beauty don't just appear, they reappear as we grow, as we export all the bullshit that crept inside of us, and the new light that we put back in, and then these moment of this eternal feeling that cant be described in words, just comes to rest on our shoulders, as we realize that it is inside of us, and it wants to come out in one way or another.
today it really wants to come out in writing for me, 
it is a very sinful feeling to feel guilt to spread creativity because instead we SHOULD be studying, because it is out FUTURE, which truly does MATTER. 
Well, at least its over, hope to take some pics soon, find cool pics soon, see something new that has not been seen. Bleh Blah bleh.